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Adam and Eve, the first humans ever, were created some time late one Friday afternoon in 4004 BC, just before God knocked off work for the weekend. It had been a long week and He was probably tired, which may explain a lot. If we can believe the Bible, the humans were apparently a bit of an afterthought, as God had found the all-too-perfect angels too boring for words and wanted something that would be more fun to play with. Unfortunately He didn't bother to tell them about His rather bizarre plan until after it was all over, which theophanic screw-up led to the first cosmic disaster in recorded history.

Of course, once they got over the shock, the angels thought humans – female-type humans, anyway – were actually pretty cool (to say nothing of wicked sexy) which explains Goliath as well as the Sons of the Bird. But all that came later.

God needed someplace to keep his new pets, so He created the Garden of Eden. As far as anyone can tell, in the very beginning of everything, Eden was, in fact, the only place there was, because nobody'd done anything to get banned and there was no need for there to be anyplace else (yet).

So God installed Adam and Eve in the garden, and gave them some operating instructions: "Go anywhere, and do whatever you want, just don't touch my special trees!" God pointed to a grove of trees growing "in the middle of the garden", as the Bible says. If God had thought to put a chain link fence around the Special Grove a lot of trouble might have been saved later on. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured)

... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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