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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Yo, Dawg! You wanna pimp a ho!? But you ain’t got no ho 'ta pimp? Simple fool! First thang that a pimp needs is some good sense, and it jus’ ain’t good sense that you can pimp a ho, without no mothafuckin’ ho. So you gotta get recuitin' some bitch ta be yo' ho, and you put that bitch ta wurk.

The history of hos ‘n’ pimps is some plain shit, Holmes. The first cave brotha told the first cave bitch, "yo, mama, get yo' mud-flappin' ass outta here. Go'n fuck 'nother cave chump, ho! An' bring back some mothafuckin' bones!" That's when pimpin’ hos was born, man. My bitches be shy, an' they needs a po-lite introduction. That's what pimps is fo'!

Now gettin’ a ho be smooth in my hood, coz’ a lotta bitches chillin’ round lookin’ fo' a pimp, so I got me all kinds-a mothafuckin’ hos. That’s why I’s tellin’ ya. That‘s why I’s sweatin’ writin' this here shiit. Cos' I’s the man in my hood. I’s ‘super-pimp’. And cos' this hea jive-ass Uncyclopedia come an’ ask my advice. So, yo! Hea' this'. You can listen-up if you want ‘thang’ on how ta pimp a ho. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us? (Pictured)

... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

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In the news [edit]

Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge (Pictured)
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Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · ABBA
Recent deaths: Akira Toriyama · M. Emmet Walsh · Louis Gossett Jr. · Hype around the eclipse · O. J. Simpson
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe)

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On this day [edit]

April 16: 42nd Josef Stalin Appreciation Day (World)

1560 BC - Moses forgets to take his schizophrenia pills and begins to hear voices. He takes off from Ur, resulting in all of modern humanity's problems.
1855 - Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln enjoy a night of mad passionate love.
1878 - Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is born. Baby Hitler shudders in his Baby Hitler dreams.
1934 - Eleanor Roosevelt uncharacteristically enjoys a hotdog.
1943 - The first "Annual Miss Stalin-Look-Alike" contest is held in the Soviet Union; Joseph Stalin wins unanimously.
1953 - Desi Arnaz slaps Lucille Ball, calling her an "estupit beach" on national television.
1991 - US federal law passed forbidding driving while spreading cream cheese on a bagel.
2006 - The Queen of England decrees that all Australians must wear cork underpants.
2011 - Encyclopedia Dramatica sadly returns within 2 days of its death.

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Picture of the day

Popular childrens' game involving cocaine. The "I'm a Romanian immigrant snorting myself to death" version will be available in stores in the near future.

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