Uncyclopedia:April Fools/2014

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The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right". This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians. This chronicalisation also created "The Book" itself. In this article, we will chronologically summarise, from oldest to newest, the tricks in The Book.

In the year 10580 B.C.E. the Babylonian king, Hammurabi, reigned supreme over the Mesopotamian deserts. On February 30, during a long speech by Irhemhotep, he stood on Shamadad's right, and reached over and tapped him on the left shoulder. As a result, Shamadad looked to his left, where no one was standing. All would laugh, as decreed by law, or else be condemned to read Oscar Wilde quotes everywhere. Immensely proud of his ingenuity, Hammurabi ordered these endeavours to be recorded in cuneiform on a clay tablet. This tablet was the first page in a small 'tricks' archive, which would later become 'The Book'.

Years later, the minor prophet Zarathustra, experimenting with various tricks, attempted what was previously unheard of: the other side. Standing on the left this time, and tapping the person's right shoulder was, until that time, never considered, and almost heretical. It worked with stupendous results, even on people who have been so duped many times before. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
  • ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
  • ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
  • ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?

In the news

On this day...

More of an attempted murder but whatever.

May 27: National Homicide Day

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Little Miss Psycho
Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Now you only have 4, yes 4 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

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