Chris-chan (impersonator)
Ian Brandon Anderson, falsely attributed the nickname of Chris-chan, is a "high functioning" autistic male that stole and impersonated the identity of webcomic artist Christian Weston Chandler. Despite the fact that he has never done anything of remarkable importance, Ian's life is one of the most researched and fully-documented in the history of the Internet, mostly thanks to the rise of Kiwi farms.
Ian graduated from college in 2006, taking six years to finish a two-year course. After this, he refused to get a job, instead relying on disability insurance. He spend most of his time at an internet cafe named THe GAMe PLACe, where he would meet his best friend worst enemy, Megan Schroeder.
Megan Saga[edit | edit source]
Megan was a boyfriend-free girl Ian Brandon Anderson met at THe GAMe PLACe in 2004. She was four years younger than Ian, although despite this, Ian wanted to make her into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up. Megan's friendship with Ian is rather strange, as Ian's time there was mostly spent yelling racial slurs at seven-year-olds and drawing his ripoff Sonichu comic. Megan probably liked him because she could get him to spend hundreds of dollars of welfare money on WW2 memorabilia.
Much like Ian, Megan was interested in drawing, being much better than him at it. She appeared in Sonichu #5, and also introduced Ian to My Little Pony and Sailor Moon. Oh God ...
Ian seemed overly clingy to her, as he saw her as a person to lose his virginity to. Megan was, shockingly, not interested. Despite Ian Brandon Anderson being overly creepy towards her, she didn't leave him.
In 2007 Ian Brandon Anderson had his first taste of fame when he made a video for the Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown PaRappa the Rapper contest. Despite upvoting the video with hundreds of sockpuppets, he still managed to lose to a man far more talented than him named Adam Stackhouse. This resulted in Ian sending multiple death threats toward Adam, although he never responded. Fate was rather kind towards this impostor. At least for the moment.
Encyclopedia Dramatica[edit | edit source]
On November 3, 2007, an Encyclopedia Dramatica page was created about Ian, erroneously titled "Chris-chan". Since this was ED, the page was filled with empty threats, pointless insults, goatse, offended links, goatse, Sherrod DeHippo praise, and goatse.
Although Ian ignored the page for the first part of its existence, eventually the amount of goatse on the page reached a critical level, and Ian stepped in to remove it by creating the Reldnahc account. Although ridding the internet of goatse was a noble goal, Ian did it because he was homophobic. He also turned into a shameless vanity whore, removing words he didn't like (such as scary, or, even worse, the dreaded "retard" word!), said that his FAKE and DECEPTIVE Sonichu medallion was good and made of CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC, and says that he is not "racist", just "old-fashioned", a common synonym for racist. Oh, and he also added some data about himself. For some reason.
The next day was even worse. Various poorly drawn images depicting the naughty stuff were uploaded to the site, making goatse look beautiful in comparison. Also, nobody realized it was actually Ian Brandon Anderson uploading this, showing how slow Encyclopedia Dramatica editors are.
On December 30, 2007, another account impersonating Chris was created, this time named "Chris-Chan". Since his penis was very small, he decided to blank three pages. Oh, he also somehow got George W. Bush to take down the page. Never mind, it was fake, but he really thought it would work. Really.
After this the editing died down, although in late January, Ian replaced the page with a message trying to discourage cyberbullying. However, one could argue Ian was doing the same thing. He also used an account named "Clyde" to make these edits. There was no relation to the TRUE and HONEST Chris's friend Clyde Cash, since Ian never read Asperchu, and if he did, he wouldn't like Clyde since he was gay, both in Asperchu and in real life.
Megan Saga comes crashing down[edit | edit source]
In March 2008 Megan discovered that Ian had posted a poorly-drawn image of her nekkid to the site, and demands that he remove everything on the Encyclopedia Dramatica page. He did comply, although he, for some reason, replaced the most offensive image with a zoomed-in drawing of her crotch. Fortunately, this image will not be displayed, as it violates federal law in the United States and 150 other countries. However, Admins on Encyclopedia Dramatica protected the page. Also, everyone thinks it's his sister, which is even worse. Later in March, he corrects the information – which fails to make him look any better. Oh, yeah, Megan (reasonably) dumped him over this, as not even forcing him to buy Nazi memorabilia was worth this.
ED Saga part II: Electric Boogaloo[edit | edit source]
Ian uploads several images to the site of the TRUE and HONEST Chris being beaten up. He continues to try and repair his relationship with Megan, but fails horribly, and leaves the internet until August. His church discovers his edits, and (rightfully) bans him.
After March ended, the TRUE and HONEST Chris joined Uncyclopedia, but otherwise maintained a very small internet presence. He created a website to promote Asperchu, and to talk to his friends who worked on the comic. Outside, Chris was an avid sportsman at this point, and worked eight hours a day at a local office while he was planning to become a doctor.
Meanwhile, Ian was banned from THe GAMe PLACe for two weeks, and Megan stopped talking to him for good. In May Ian was baptized again at his new church, which seemingly didn't have a problem with the Encyclopedia Dramatica page. In June Ian was banned from THe GAMe PLACe for life, and tried to give a birthday present to Megan.
ABSOLUTE MADMAN RISING[edit | edit source]
In August 2008 Ian Brandon Anderson loses it and uploads a video to his YouTube account, declaring war on Encyclopedia Dramatica, says that he is NOT GAY, and also says, "I AM NOT A PEDOFORK, YOU DORKS!" Ian believes he achieved victory on August 8 over Encyclopedia Dramatica when the site went down for a few hours.
Blanca[edit | edit source]
In late August 2008 someone supposedly named "Blanca" contacted Ian Brandon Anderson. He should have easily been able to realize that this was a troll because no woman would want to be even close to him, but he didn't. He writes to Blanca about some things nobody would talk about, and even puts her and her OC in the Sonichu comic, for issue 8 (actually 9). Sonichu's sweetheart was also drawn nekkid by him, and that she was over 18 – despite having been 15 before. We can only wonder why.
MY EYES![edit | edit source]
Blanca eventually leaks images of Ian wearing his mother's pantsu and his penis with Sonichu drawn on it. Despite this, Ian fails to realize Blanca was a troll, and just thinks she got hacked. Much like the image of Megan, these images are not shown because viewing them is punishable by death in most countries.
The return[edit | edit source]
Eventually Blanca regains control, and Ian rejects another girl for her. His YouTube account is hacked by those damn, dirty, stupid trolls, and so he creates the CChan6789 account, impersonating the TRUE and HONEST Chris. His DeviantArt gets banned for uploading NSFW content, although he creates another one immediately after. Also, he dumps Blanca.
PandaHalo[edit | edit source]
On September 24th, 2008, Ian dumps Blanca and swears loyalty to someone named "PandaHalo", who is his new Sweetheart from the Ground-Up. He also Rickrolls everyone in the same video. He dumps PandaHalo mere days later for no reason in particular.
Blanca part 2: Electric Boogaloo[edit | edit source]
After years of being a virgin with RAGE, Ian somehow gets trapped in a love triangle with three TOTALLY REAL women. After swearing loyalty to PandaHalo, he dumps her and another girl for Blanca, and sends her a PSP as well as tons of selfies. Later that month, Blanca receives Ian's FAKE and DECEPTIVE Sonichu medallion, and sends it to the damn, dirty trolls, who destroy it. Little did he know these trolls were actually Blanca herself, and so cried on camera for no reason. Again.
PandaHalo part 2: Electric Boogaloo[edit | edit source]
After the breakup with Blanca, Ian rushes towards PandaHalo. Again. However, since he cannot maintain a stable relationship, he rarely talks to her and prefers to play LittleBigPlanet. He also nearly cheats on Panda in December 2008, and seemingly believes he is surrounded by girls. It didn't take long for Ian to talk about secks again, and the fact that he shits himself. No surprise. A site for female fans of Sonichu is created. According to the TRUE and HONEST Chris, he discovers this website, and begins to make plans for revenge against that impostor.
Clyde Cash enters the scene[edit | edit source]
Although the TRUE and HONEST Chris wouldn't act until months later, Clyde Cash, his friend, acted earlier. While Clyde was plotting with Chris, his brother, Ryan Cash walked in, and immediately killed himself due to how atrocious the comic was, and the fact that someone would copy from Asperchu. Ever since this happened, Clyde swore to get revenge on Ian. He initially asks Ian just to give him an apology, which he refuses, and compares Ryan to a dog. He also shits himself. Again.
Gregg Mays[edit | edit source]
By this point Clyde had gone past the point of mere "apology". He emailed Ian pretending to be a Nintendo employee named "Gregg Mays". While Ian is again flirting with girls other than his one and only Panda, "Greggg Mays – that's Greg with three G's – emails him. In a shocking timeframe of two days, he hacks Ian's Sonichu clone website. Chris congratulates him.
Gregg had to back down, however, after Ian summoned his lawyer, Jay-z, and threatened him with his canine teeth.
Miyamoto[edit | edit source]
Due to legal threats, Gregg Mays had to stop down, and asked his superior, Shigeru Miyamoto, to contact Ian with plans to make a Sonichu game. In all, Ian would rather have Nintendo make a game about himself, as shown by a PowerPoint presentation about ... well, shockingly, himself. In spite of this, Miyamoto was impressed, and invited Ian to Redmond, Washington, in order to make the game. However, Ian didn't have enough money to go to Redmond, and left Miyamoto in the rain for five days straight, while he was waiting for him. Surprisingly, Miyamoto put up with his bullshit for almost a month, until Reggie Fils-Aimé rescued him from the grasps of the evil Clyde Cash, and send a string of angry emails to Ian. After all this ended, the TRUE and HONEST Nintendo sent a letter to Ian confirming that Clyde was impersonating everyone involved.
Julie[edit | edit source]
Julie was a boyfriend-free girl from Molvanîa who Ian had been flirting with for months, but he preferred PandaHalo. However, after Clyde Cash stole PandaHalo from Ian, he decided to go back to Julie, who now lived in Ohio after Molvanîa's destruction. Although Julie was extremely depressed over Ian not choosing her, he eventually went with her. Clyde Cash kidnapped Julie, and forced Ian to make a video saying that he was a gaybian gay. Oh wait, Ian said he was forced to make the video. Never said he wasn't actually gay, however. Later, Ian and Julie starting having hot sweaty furry e-sex, but, on Valentine's Day, Ian's father walked in on him, and got a bit annoyed. Anyway, a disturbing video of Ian humping a doll for seven minutes emerged, which was then mailed to Ian's house. His father saw it, and took away his PS Triple for a few days.
Julie also had a brother named Max, who was "slightly" abusive and collaborated with Clyde Cash to kidnap Julie and sent her to China. Ian Brandon Anderson was convinced that he had to save her, and spent most of his birthday money on a trip to Ohio, only to drive to the wrong address and find an elderly black woman. Ian also flirted (and even tried to send nudes) to Max, which only furthered the notion that he was ABSOLUTELY NOT GAY. Max had a break with Clyde when he forced Ian to shove his shitty medallion up his ass and acknowledged that BILLY MAYS was the mayor of CWCVille IBAVille. He also admitted that both he and Julie were not real, and that he was actually a 13-year-old, thus making Ian a pedophile. In all, he emotionally abused an autistic manchild for two hours.
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