Gushing (Sport)

What Is Gushing?

Professional gusher Matt Garrawatter gushes out of an online gushing competition.

Gushing is a sport invented in 1992, somewhere in New Zealand. It involves strong neck muscles, extreme endurance, and making a complete fool of yourself. It is usually not considered a contact sport, but in higher level matches with large pools of prize money, some players resort to violence. Gushing is one of the leading causes of wasting water, along with Sprinkler Wet.

How to play Gushing

Gushing can be played with as many players as you want but it is safer to have less than 10. Gushing is best played outdoors, or in a room without precious objects that could be damaged by water.

Instructions

• All players (gushers) hold a cup of water; all cups should have the same amount of water in them.
• When the referee says "3, 2, 1, GUSH!" or makes some sort of signal, all gushers, pour the water into their mouths, but do not swallow.
• The gushers all try to make the others laugh and 'gush' (laugh so that the water in your mouth spills out).
• The last one standing wins the game.

Additional rules

• No physical contact is allowed
• Gushers cannot use props or objects, only hand motions(watch this) and strange movements or gestures
• There is a referee who can eject players who show bad sportsmanship or break any rules
• You cannot swallow the water in your mouth (see 'Swallowing')

Top Gushing competitions

As gushing is a relatively new sport, there are not many competitions, and in some countries, gushing is not considered an official sport. Some major gushing competitions are:

• The Gushing World Championship
• The US Open (anyone can enter)
• Gushington (similar to Wimbledon)
• The US Closed (only some Gushers are allowed to enter)
• European Gush Contest
• Gush Series

Gushing World Championship

This is the biggest gushing event of the calendar, held every 3 years at the San Francisco Kitten Sanctuary.

Top Gushers

Shan Zerba's Gusha 21 card. This card is an End of an Era card, as he retired from Gushing that year.

Ryan Parry

One of the best Gushers in the world is Ryan Parry, who has won the Gushing World Championship numerous times and has been named the Gush Magazine's gushing personality of the year, and has been named in every gushing TOTY (team of the year) since 2013. He was born in Australia in 2001. As well as being a professional gusher, he also has a masters degree in criminal justice, and is actively working to 'rid the world of crime'.

Shan Zerba

Shan Zerba is a Gusher from Equatorial Guinea, and is known for his incredible humour, and his ability to make any players laugh. In the group stage of the 2016 Gushington, all players were eliminated except for Zerba and Matt Garrawatter. They went on and on, none of them gushing, and just when it seemed like there was no hope, Zerba wet his pants on purpose, making Garrawatter laugh and gush uncontrollably. Zerba was elated and the crowd went wild. Although Shan Zerba is a great comedian, he does not have great endurance, and if the game lasts more than 30 minutes he usually fumbles the bag. Aside from Gushing, Shan enjoys annoying Ryan Parry by committing serious crimes. Consequently, he is facing criminal allegations.

Sally Saddleback

Sadly, like many other sports, Gushing has been dominated by men and there are not many female players. Sally Saddleback is a pioneer for women's gushing, and has won numerous awards and trophies. She was so good that people wanted her to play in the men's gushing tournaments, but the WGA (World Gushing Association) didn't allow it because sometimes Gushers strip naked during contests, and they didn't want women and men to be in matches together where any stripping took place. Because of this, Sally Saddleback has been in the women's leagues and is dominating, having gone unbeaten in 132 games. She is planning to retire from gushing in 2025. She plans to have a career in law once she retires, and rumour has it that she will join forces with