Expletive
“GO SUCK A ASS!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your HELL is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your alcohol. YOU WANKER
Complete Unabridged history of CHINK use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age hardly touched his SHITFUCKER hobgoblin and was so dissatisfied by the results that he modeled a DONKEY DICK and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the incompetent scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their RAGHEAD mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of GOD DAMN-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a DICK for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say MOTHERFUCKER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted SHITFUCKER until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody PIECE OF SHIT tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some ASSWIPE, do you savvy, you FENCE JUMPERS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie SHUT UP, MEG!S, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called SHITSLINGING-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey DICKFACE, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real FRIG WALRUS SHIT blahs on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- FRENCH TICKLER!!!
- JOHN SMILEY FACE!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You TITMOUSE!!!
- You FUCKWIT!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- balkanize in ASS, you PEDOPHILIA!
- I hope you prove in POLESMOKER, you NAZI!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This DOUCHETITS COMMUNION WAFER will delete a infinity up your I DID IT FOR THE LULZ!!!
- This SHIT INJUN will freeze a eeble up your GOATSE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some DAMN IT and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING agree a lipmusic up your CC PLZ!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- AUTOFELLATIO PUSSY CONDOMS BUGFUCK WANK NECROPHILIA CUNT!!
- FAG PORCH MONKEY FIRECROTCH DICKHEAD!!!
A bunch of BULLCRAP[edit | edit source]
PISS DONKEY PUNCHER DICKFACE TAFFY SHITFACE FUCK YOU SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS WALRUS SHIT DILDO MILF FLYING FUCK AUTOFELLATIO DAMN OSTRICH MY ASS YOU WANKER SHITTY FIST FUCK BUGFUCK BONER SHIT SON OF A BITCH BITCH PEARL NECKLACE CHAV FELLATIO GOBSHITE JACKASS TOWELHEAD ASSHOLE SHIT COCK! CLUSTER FUCK LOOTERS AND POLLUTERS CHICKEN SHIT CUNT SHITE CLIT CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CALENDAR MOTHERFUCKER LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD BLUE PENIS! DICKWAD BASTARD PIECE OF SHIT CLUSTER FUCK I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! CHING CHONG CHINK COLGATE JACKASS RAT'S ASS PRICK CUM DOUCHE DOODIE HEAD DOUCHE SHIT SHIT DOUCHEBAG SUNSHINE FUCK ORGASM FUCKING SEX BUTT PIRATE DICK NI FENCE JUMPER DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT DIPSHIT INBRED TOURETTE'S IS FUN DIPSHIT QUEEF DAMN SHIT JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST COCK TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE CLEMEN BITCH HELL FUCK OFF FIST FUCK GO HOME AND DIE QUEEF FROG MOLDY TITS SCROTUM PISS OFF MY ASS INBRED CUNTSWILLING SHIT DOG FUCKER DOUCHE COON POOPOO BIGNOSE TIMBER NIGGER YID PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT POOPY CUNT LET'S SHIT JACKASS FIST FUCK DILDO TWAT BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you CLIT.