Expletive
“GO SUCK A TWAT!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your EPIDIDYMIS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your tofu. DAMN
Complete Unabridged history of PISS ARTIST use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age melodramatically touched his YOU WANKER lint and was so dissatisfied by the results that he discombobulated a SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the cheery scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BOOBIES mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of WANK-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a SEMPRINI for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say FIST FUCK. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FUCKING until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FUCK tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SHIT, do you savvy, you NIGGER TITSS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie YOU WANKERS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called IN SOVIET RUSSIA, EXPLETIVE SAYS YOU!!-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey GOOK, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real ASSFACE CONDOMS periods on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- BORDER HOPPER!!!
- PAKI!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You WANK!!!
- You CUNNILINGUS!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- murder in SHITE, you MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE!
- I hope you fling in POMMIE, you TWO-INCH PENIS!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?!
FUCK YOU will meditate on a answer up your BUTT PIRATE!!!
- This SHITTING DICK NIPPLES FALSE BENSON will calcify a slightly-below-average man up your BLUMPKIN!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some SUGARTITS and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING liberate a queer up your RAPE!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- VAGINA DONKEY DICK SCUMBAG SUCK MY COCK DICKLICK BUKKAKE FUCKFACE!!
- MONKEY BALLS FUCKFACE CHINK EXPLETIVE!!!
A bunch of WALRUS SHIT[edit | edit source]
MARGARET THATCHER GOOK DAMNED TABERNACLE CHIGGER JERK OFF EUROIPODS FUCKWIT HORSE SHIT TITS BELLEND GOD DAMN SOD SHIT [expletive deleted] WOODPECKERSHIT DONALD RUMSFELD [Insert dumb, possibly made up racial slur you've never heard before here] GIVING HEAD FLYING FUCK FUCKFACE SHITBALLS FUCK SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS FUCKSTAIN COCKSMOKER ASS LICKER JIGGABOO PUNANI ZOMBIE DIAPER POOP SHITSLINGING MARCH OF FLAMES LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! FUCKTARD BITCH TIMBER NIGGER PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS MEIN FÜHRER! I CAN WALK! EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA HELL AMERICA ONLINE DONALD RUMSFELD GREASER FUCKSTAIN ASS SHITFUCKER VAGINA ASSTARD THUNDERCUNT DICK TITS ASSFACE KRAUT SON OF A BITCH FUCK OFF CUNT POLAK VENEREAL DISEASE BIG HAIRY CRUSTY HORSE VAGINA PISS ARTIST 30 CASES OF PICKLES GO HOME AND DIE INBRED YOU WANKER CUNT FUCK SHITTY BEAVER ASSFACE COON NIPPLES SCUMBAG DOUCHEBAG INJUN BATHING SUIT AREA JIGGABOO URINE-GARGLING SACRED PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS FUCKFACE FUCK DICKFACE RANDY TRAVIS HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS DICK REDNECK FAGGOT JACK OFF TOSSER BORDER HOPPER TACO RAPE [expletive deleted] FUCKHEAD ASS CUNT CRAPPER YID SHITFACE SEMEN TWAT FUCKWIT GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS FUCKING FUCKFUCKER POWERSHIT EUROIPODS NIGGER FROG JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you SUCK A BIG DICK.