Portal:Television
The Television Portal
Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.
Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (Full article...)
Highlighted Article
JJ Abrams, producer from the Guardian. |
A brutal fact of life is that we all want to be producers of something. It allows us to be in the background when people play the blame game in the foreground when the kudos come a callin'. This guide tells you how to articulate your "talent" and use this guide to Being an American Television Producer.
You'll get to be the coolest person on the planet. However, the profession has become increasingly complex as those Ivy League writers seek to downplay your "ideas" (evil schemes) and brutal moneymaking plans that you have. Your only weapon is a mobile phone and the largest say on how the cash is spent. Some of your time will go towards wooing investors and verbally annihilating your studio acolytes.
Archive | Article credit: Sycamore | (more ) |
Highlighted News
What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!? |
Lancaster, PA -- My name is Wilford Pissbritches and I'm 74 years old. I've got a bone to pick with you long-haired hippy kids. I've had this TV for as long as I can remember, and now, the goddamned thing won't work worth shit! All I get is some snowy crap, these little white dots and speckles all over this black background. The hell's wrong with this thing?
I am a widowed retired 'Nam veteran and McDonald's cashier, and the shit I go through ain't nothing compared to this hippy-happy nonsense. I tried bringing in my TV to Uncle Charlie's Salvage Emporium, only to find out that old Charlie had been dead for eight years and his grandson owns the store now.…
Archive | Article credit: PF4Eva | (more...) |
Did You Know...
Selected picture
What are you watching, Grandma??? This looks like some juvenile shit, can we watch Matlock?
|
Highlighted Biography
Oscar at the orphanage. |
Oscar, born in the early twentieth century, has become a well-known face around the popular Sesame Street. But unlike the other monsters, who have a reputation of being happy and friendly, Oscar has gathered a reputation for being grouchy. This begs the question; "Why would a man who lives on the happiest place on earth come off as grouchy?" Well, those who ask this are ignorant, and lack insight into this monster's life. A life which is more torn and twisted than this world itself. If only more people knew his story, they would come to see why he can be more or less angry at times. But sadly, this isn't the case. His life has brought him down and as he withers away from this world which has forsaken him, he leaves with the infamous nickname, Oscar the Grouch.…
Archive | Article credit: Sockpuppet of an unregistered user | (more...) |
Things You Can Do
- Shut up and watch TV, kids!!
Things You Should Know
What's On?
The A-Team • American Dad • Armenia's Next Top Model • Baldrick • Blackadder • Das Love Boot • Detective Bukkake of the 187th Precinct • Dexter • Ed, Edd n Eddy • Father Knows Best • Frasier • Full House • H.R. Pufnstuf • House M.D. • I Dream of Jeannie • I Love Lucy • Jihad My Ride • Law and Order • Leave it to Beaver • Lost • Mad TV • My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic • My Name Is Earl • Opeth • Oscar the Grouch • Paradise Lost • Pimp My Ride • Pinky and the Brain • Prison Break • Robot Chicken • Saturday Night Live • Scooby Doo • Sex and the City • South Park • Star Trek • The Adventures of Stan Lee's Toupee • The Biggest Loser • The Daily Show • The French Prince of Bel Air • The Larry Sanders Show • The Office (US Version) • The Simpsons • The Sopranos • The West Wing • The X-Files • Torchwood • Touched by an Uncle • Wilde On
BBC • BET • Bureaucracy Channel • Cartoon Network • CBC • CNN • CW • DuMont Network • Fox (News) • HBO • History Channel • Hitler Channel • ITV • MTV • Nickelodeon •
Other portals
Portals complement main topics in Uncyclopedia that nobody cares about, and expand upon topics that nobody cares even less about.
-
Art
Peak pretentiousness -
Business
Money, money, money! -
Comedy
The science of funny -
Culinary
Food for the soul -
Film
Enter the Matrix -
Games
Recess time -
Gay
A gay ol' time -
Geography
Get lost -
History
Factually wrong -
Literature
For the illiterate masses -
Internet
A series of tubes -
Music
Rock on! -
Politics
Politically incorrect -
People
The People's Portal -
Religion
Speak of the devil -
Science
Playing to be God -
Society
We live in one -
Technology
Breaking stuff easier -
Television
Turn your brain off -
Theatre
To be or not to be -
Video Games
Better than sex -
Zoology
Beware of furries -
Portals
Meta-Portal -
Community
The Community -
Main Page
The Uncyclopedia