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Sicilian Man: America has been kind to me. Her milk has provided me with many children, who I love dearly. But my eldest daughter, she is an idiot. She wears sweaters that do not expose her breasts. She has been running away from explosions in slow motion a lot less than usual. She is different to people like you and me, people who speak in clichés and patriotic tripe. Then two weeks ago, I saw her reading a book. A book! This is America. She doesn't even have a nice rack. I tried to provide for her, but no matter how hard I try, she won't get into a car chase or have an inane love affair. I don't know what to do. A hand comes from offscreen and gives the man a glass of brandy. Don Vito Corleone: And what is it you want me to do on this day of days my daughter's wedding who I love and think is great? Sicilian Man: Oh Godfather, your horribly written dialogue just brings home the fact that I need you to do this. Don Vito: Then what is it you want me to do? (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Archive · Vote for featured articles · Purge
*... That Hanukkah is the festivle of lights, and has been celebrated by kids for the same reason for several thousand years?
*... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
*... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
*... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
*... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
*... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick? Archive* – Suggest new entries

In the news
Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States The Kremlin: Vladimir Putin "totally didn't participate in a Pride parade, nothing to see here.." Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy Michael Jackson comes back to life Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
June 10: Try a New Crappy Foreign Cuisine to Seem Cultured Day 40K BC - World population becomes 14½ after strange boulder incident. 1204 BC - Space hobos forced back into ocean once and for all, but only after great sacrifice. 1932 - Harlem renaissance poet Langston Hughes writes the first Yo momma joke. 2003 - The Spirit Rover is sent to Mars after getting banned from all American Airlines flights. (Pictured) 2010 - Family Guy renewed for its 47th season. 2007 - The second coming of Elvis occurs, his first press announcement: "I was just kidding, uh-huh." 2010 - First Koala is sent to the Moon, entire world goes "Awwww". 2016 - The sun sets, and nothing changes. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Production photos from the next Jurassic Park film, starring Tyra Banks, have been released. Ebert has already given it 5 stars.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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