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Evil Jesus, the Messiah to all evil, not-so-evil, and irritable people, is the kind of Messiah who starts a brawl and then stands back to videotape the show. He's the type of Saviour who complains about your favorite movie while his guys lift your wallet. And contrary to popular belief, he is not a friend to the poor. He couldn't care less about them.
Yet Evil Jesus is talented in a twisty sort of way. He is responsible for all supernatural events. Ouija boards, psychic mediums, hauntings, out-of-body and in-the-body experiences, and all unnatural end-around's are Evil Jesus' bread and butter. Because of this, many poets and journalists confuse Evil Jesus with the antichrist. Yet he is very much the opposite of both Christ and antichrist. He's a veritable metaphysical Houdini!
Evil Jesus was born October 12 in 0 BC to 13-year-old Holy Milf Mary and her 85-year-old boytoy, Joey. Because they lived before the formation of Vatican City, which allows you to hump a 12-year-old while standing in line at the communion rail, they told everyone God had humped Mary to keep the authorities away from "Pedo Joe". But they hadn't needed to worry about it, because soon after Jesus was born Joey drank himself to death on a bet. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
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Writer and Noob of the Month
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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Complete Bibliography
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8/3/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
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7/22/2007
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Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
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7/21/2007
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UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!) Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
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7/4/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein
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7/4/2007
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Jolt Cola (rewrite) Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
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7/3/2007
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Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...) Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
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6/26/2007
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The Human Element – waiting for pee review
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6/19/2007
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Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
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2/15/2007
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Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
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2/10/2007
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National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
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2/9/2007
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UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
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2/5/2007
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Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
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2/5/2007
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Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
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1/18/2007
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Jolt Cola
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1/16/2007
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UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
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6/3/2006
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Minimalist talk page
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6/3/2006
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Deep Note
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3/4/2006
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Geocities (really crappy original version)
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1/9/2006
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I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
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11/30/2005
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Celine Dionide
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11/20/2005
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Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
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11/3/2005
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UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
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WTF?
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