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Today's featured article Sicilian Man: America has been kind to me. Her milk has provided me with many children, who I love dearly. But my eldest daughter, she is an idiot. She wears sweaters that do not expose her breasts. She has been running away from explosions in slow motion a lot less than usual. She is different to people like you and me, people who speak in clichés and patriotic tripe. Then two weeks ago, I saw her reading a book. A book! This is America. She doesn't even have a nice rack. I tried to provide for her, but no matter how hard I try, she won't get into a car chase or have an inane love affair. I don't know what to do. A hand comes from offscreen and gives the man a glass of brandy. Don Vito Corleone: And what is it you want me to do on this day of days my daughter's wedding who I love and think is great? Sicilian Man: Oh Godfather, your horribly written dialogue just brings home the fact that I need you to do this. Don Vito: Then what is it you want me to do? (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries June 10: Try a New Crappy Foreign Cuisine to Seem Cultured Day 40K BC - World population becomes 14½ after strange boulder incident. 1204 BC - Space hobos forced back into ocean once and for all, but only after great sacrifice. 1932 - Harlem renaissance poet Langston Hughes writes the first Yo momma joke. 2003 - The Spirit Rover is sent to Mars after getting banned from all American Airlines flights. (Pictured) 2010 - Family Guy renewed for its 47th season. 2007 - The second coming of Elvis occurs, his first press announcement: "I was just kidding, uh-huh." 2010 - First Koala is sent to the Moon, entire world goes "Awwww". 2016 - The sun sets, and nothing changes. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day [[ rewind]] Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Donald Trump is the first convicted President of the United States The Kremlin: Vladimir Putin "totally didn't participate in a Pride parade, nothing to see here.." Donald Trump found GUILTY ON ALL CHARGES (Pictured), soon to debut "prison orange" business suit Antarctica becomes embroiled in upside-down flag controversy Michael Jackson comes back to life Justin Bieber gives birth to a baby, baby, baby, oooh Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud · Israel-Hamas conflict Recent deaths: Roger Corman · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman · Kabosu · Richard M. Sherman (Disney musician) · Doug Ingle · Bill Walton Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · Drake's sanity More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing? Read More
edit Recent articles Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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